joanne's!

2010-11-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

lol.. been months since the last post.
After so long~ hahahs =P this place still hold memories that I do not wish forget.
01.11.10 - 9th month with dearr!<3
Had dinner with dearr at cck- HK cafe! + attempts to UFO catcher =DD
Fun. but caught none =(
Individual months reminds me how long and how far MH n me had been together.
Wanna celebrate our 1st yr anniversary badly ehh~ ^^ 4months more though.

somewhere in this 9mths. we've dissapoint each other in certain ways.
thankfully we're both taking & giving generously. but still "i'm sorry for stuffs i done worng"

-Sparks of Love.-- <3

2010-06-13T00:21:00.005+08:00

Whoohoo!! FiFa World cup is here!! =D And yepp.. still wish for the best that Germanay may win this yr's Championship! sianzz can't catch most of e matches..lolx. And sch starting again soon~ *BOoOO!!*=P Gonna chiong for this sem. gt a very bad ut results. It's funny that i realised i hasn't been serious in my studies since i started life in poly lol! Not motivated at all loh..Haiz~ Created insecurity for myself.. but it shall be just this time being it'll be washed off soon i know.
[wanna hug him so much] [wanna take photos that captures precious moments..that only we two share] [jus wanna say to him 'i love u alot...' <33]

2010-06-07T00:31:00.003+08:00

Whoohoo!! today marks the end of my 3days Big-Gulp's giveaway job!! =D
Muahahahs!!! yiieeepiiii!!!! =D :P easy job easy pay.

and since its e last day of course mus pyscho someone special down to pei wo till knock off time=) and dear! >
Yeahh!! btw tmr going sentosa!!!! hahas!! sun-tanning!! =D hahas hope it turn out to be a fun-filled day with E54M!

"what i do n what i say..i dont mean it de.
e guilt is growing inside nw, pin-pointing hw bad/ hw lousy i am as his bao beii.
i knew i should nt have always played it."

2010-05-08T01:15:00.002+08:00

whoohoo! great faci (chong!) treated us to pizza cause it's my classmate's bday!! =)
Friday in e future is so gonna be a great day with such a flexible faci ard =)hahas!
wonder why sometimes ppl are so stuck to the idea "follow by the book"..
it is not gonna work, and it'll usually make certain situations worse.
-wake up the idea, and try change.!

went to PS to collect sim card for my father with Menghao!
didnt expect him to accompany too, guess it'll be a tired & 'wasteful' trip ba..
if just go there accom me collect.. :(
OMG!! He caught another bear!!! =) =D :D whoohooo!!! hahas!!!
but wth.. can't change for other cute bearbear=( ended up chosen a nearly-drop-off head teddy!
hahas=P but still mange to exchange it to a very!! cute n mini speaker (at least to me it's lyk mini) =)

-thank uu! if nt wrong bucks of dollars were spent ba.. -like it alot, next time i'll catch many for him!!! hahas-
wanted to try to catch but always ended up.. ...nth caught. haizz!

2010-05-04T00:25:00.003+08:00

Not sure when you'll open up e link to this blog.
And not sure whether the content will surprise/ shock u..
But just to let you know that "Viewer's Discretion is Advice" =P

hahas! jus kiddin!=) Hmm you may wonder the reasons that i'm giving you e add of my blog baa.
hmm honestly, there's no particular reasons..but there are 2 especially..
1-treat it as e 3rd anniversary present!! =)=D hehex can?? =P
2-hopin that in these few days when i'm away, these posts shall accompany u ba =)

Love you, missing you, cyaa soon<333 hehex=")
*miss me kayy?! hahas =) no la jus jokin ..

2010-05-02T21:04:00.002+08:00

came across these sentences:
'it's a Miracle to meet him/her.

'it's even more Magical n Fate that the 2 fall in love.

'If you'd loved him, u do not need to say "Sorry"
-because he love you & would forgive you no matter what-
'Say Sorry when u don't love him anymore, cause you no longer deserve his forgiving."

'once you've let go of someone, have the courage to face the fact that you will never see him again. because goodbyes are not created for nothing. it really ends something."

they say time will heal the wound, time will get u to understand one another, but does time really matters?
-if time spent together were short does it implys that it wasn't enough?
-if time spent together were long, lasting, does it even goes to show that there isn't any gaps?

2010-05-02T20:18:00.004+08:00

It's been sooo long!! Wasn't so motivated to post cause find it troublesome; when there's no quiet place for me to post.
3 weeks since sch started, and my grades are just plain/ average. really tryin very hard to hit an "A" =)
even though still kept gettin 'B's but won't give up!!
*cause I wanna hit a 3.0 GPA at least. Don't wanna slack anymore..*

1st.May.10
- Dear!_MengHao & BaoBeii!_Me -'s 3rd month anniversary!!
spent e whole day wit dear, walkin ard bugis n at his home playin Need for Speed!!! hahas!! quite addictive! so fun!!
didn prepare gift for him to celebrate :'( srry dearr.. but was delighted n shock tat u made gifts.. really didn came across my mind tat u'd make tat.. :)

P.S, "sharing these sweet moments with you..i realised that i'm so in love with you."

2010-04-12T00:34:00.003+08:00

Whoohoo!! went 4D3N Genting with e best pals!!
So much fun jokes n laughter over there!
Thanks Huiping! Mich! Peal! Jason! Sam! n my love-dear- MengHao!
For making e trip so memorable for me =) cause it was really just so exciting
to went on e trip with u guys!! =D =D

ooppps btw even though our genting trip was 4D3N but we were at Malaysia for
5D4N.. hahas!! e last night was spent at KL!! =)
It was a great experience for me, especially when this trip is with my best 'family' n with Dear!!
And i didn expect that e amount I brought there would be sooo insignifigance!! too little!! :'(
actually was abit tempted to shop at KL cause it's really cheap compared to SG,
but reasons that i had considered..made me gave up e shoppin spreed. lolx hahas!! =)
-The money that i'll be using for shoppin isn't mine.
-Didn really saw clothes that tempted me much to buy them..
-Clothes over there can be found at SG n most prob would be gd to buy at SG..
-some of e shop cant let you test-try their clothes.. (so i was lyk sianz~~)
So might as well dn shop.

sorry i made e 2nd night so chuii~ ='( :'(
The nights that we spent- was so special.
I wont forget it n there's no way I will..
Love yaa :D <333 guys="D">

2010-03-26T04:23:00.002+08:00

a place where secrets n screams are expressed,said.
fear of everything, that it's ending.
p.s guess u wont know that how the fear would be like c

2010-03-22T00:21:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since my last post..
hahas, forget to blog e day aft celebrating Eileen's! 18th bday.
before that day actually ends, received her sms that she, Hui ping! n me,
are going to meet at 1 at ION on 18th/march.!! whoohoo!!
Was really excited on that day cause never had e chance to go out with them
due to busy schedules of theirs! hahas=) esp. eileen's! xD

Well, we (or both of them actually.) was shoppin so happy & care-free!!
well, if i had been more excited bout shopping as they do..that day would definitely turn out to be great!!! =D
HAHAS!! =) From ION..shop to Bugis =P n had a nive fruit juice while shoppin.
Huiping! bought a bag..Eileen! bought a shirt.. n me! had a new sneaker! =) hahas
Loved being with these girls! loved being with my friends!! they're the ones!! =)

show e offline msg-es from dear! Loved the surprises he brought into my life =D
Loved him for being so cute! caring! "loved u, my nu ren!!!" <3>
didn't reply to e msg, cause wanted to give him surprise that I'd e intention to give,
when genting trip is here :) hehex!!

P.S, =) loved youu guys! :D

2010-03-17T02:10:00.003+08:00

dear sms-ed last week, saying that he booked
e genting trip!! So excited bout it! can't wait!
so thrilled n happy!! when he sms-ed me =)hahas
but this happiness was dragged to bottomless pit..
when he said that he's nt coming back, till e genting trip finish.

='( !!!!! S.A.D TTM! e feeling can't be described by words =(
i dn kn why but i was *n still am* sad that we wont meet each other
FOR SO LONG FOR GODSAKE!

fallin so deep, it ain't stoppin
it's growin so strongly..
wished u were by my side
so that my love could reach u..
e distance, so far to be reached

love n missya dear!! =)

BTW!! celebrated Eileen's! advanced 18th bday
At ION, Xiang wang restaurant. with other super gd family!
-Mich! HuiPing! YangYang! Ken! Sam!
was happy!! tat Eileen! loved e present i prepared for her!!
=Dhahas!! FUN & NON_STOP jokes!!! =)
didn kn from orchard station back to clementi/ Cck
needs to change 3-4TIMES!!! of train!!!
hahas!!! =D aft all..
it was a great day with great&nice peeps!!
Love ya guys!! =)hahas!

2010-03-08T18:11:00.002+08:00

=( wanted to go for a jog at 5+ but it rained.!!
Spoilt my mood~ cause i didnt expect it to rain.
But nt goin to slack jus like that =D hahas!!

So i'd decided to go for a run ltr at late evening
or cycle. =)hehex!! =D *mus!

2010-03-06T22:09:00.003+08:00

WHooHoO!! Changed a new skin..finally. =)
took me time to "perfect" it, at least there isn't wierd stuffs ard anymore. =)
Changing the skins bring back memories of module C111..! so~~ troublesome!!

HAHAs=)

2010-03-06T18:28:00.002+08:00

='( dear is away to MY.. in such a short warning time.
but looking back, actually it wasn't as sudden as it seemed.
I knew..we both knew that it's coming,just a matter of time-when?-

I'm dissapointed in myself cause time were actually on my side
sad ttm ='( i didn cherish it..let it slipped away as easily without gripping with my fists..
And for goodness sake, I kept saying "cherish, cherish cherish!!"
Good at what?? NOTHING!! good at lying n giving broken promises to others..
ididn't cherish the time with him.

'small events/ people/ words wakes up a sleep-walker"
felt a distance?? or sort of..when met with ""him""
it's really complicated. maybe im just thinking too much.. ...

i really wished i could be closer to you n let there be no -string-like- distance between us.
u're understood very much by someone else compared to me... i'm still sleep-walking ....

2010-03-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

Went out with dear! n his friends! =) =D
Watched a movie (做人) -hahas!! usual jokes, nt bad~ but guess that it isn't my type of movie ba =(
hahas! n went to play LAN aft tat. *oopss! before this:
dear! n his friends! need to visit their friend at SGH so hehex i followed suit. =)
GREAT day!! whoohoo!! =D

'every best start.. most likely ends badly.'
Realisation that I had came to after a great day with dear!
events/ people/ circumstances don't always work in the way;
that fits us so comfortably in our way.
thought the day will end with a =D but ends up =( hahas!
guess e purpose of..were to be -used-

since that's e case. pls dn bother to thank me. aft using me. it'll just break e beautiful side of you.

2010-02-28T22:52:00.002+08:00

WHooOOo!! 28th Feb..
Tomorrow's 1st March- marking 1st month Dear! n Me! tgt. =D =)
Hahas!! But don't think there's any chances that we'll get to celebrate it
But I'm sure that there's many other dates that we'll be celebrating in e near future =)!!
Wishin that time would slow down occasionally
so that we could be together abit more longer.
It feels so "sour" to part.. hahas=)

Btw, time really don't stop to wait for anyone.
The time that I had once spent so happily n unforgettable with my friends all became memories
deep in my heart but vividly in my mind :)- not going to let these fade away!!
Hope there'll be more of these coming n meet ups soon!!! =D hahas!!

Guess that's part of a challenge in life huuh..
To race with time, getting what needs to be done in time before deadline/ times up.
Hope that with the past, it'll help me to cherish and hold on to you guys without regrets.
=D

"Happy 1st mnth Anniversary, Dear a.k.a ADDICT!!!!
Love uu! misses u!! cya soon =)!!
muaackzz!!! :D

2010-02-20T20:21:00.002+08:00

WHAT'S WRONG?!

Silence doesn't mean I'm coward.

It doesn't mean I'm useless.
It doesn't mean I do not care.
It doesn't mean I'm selfish.

- should've done what I should long ago.

2010-02-16T16:02:00.002+08:00

Haiz~ why isit repeating every night.
Nights of hell, Days of heaven..
"-BE Patience!
-BE Forgiving!"
..essentials that are so hard to pratice, possess

=)Still trying hard~

2010-02-15T20:15:00.003+08:00

WHOoHOO!! TODAY'S 2week anniversay with dear!
If valentines didnt fall on the same day as CNY i won't celebrate e 2week..
But cause I can't celebrate with dear!!! =( :(:(:(
Sent the following sms to him..
"TAY MENG HAO!! Happy Valentines Day!!!! Muaackz!!
I LOVEE UUU" n i really misses u leh dear.
Meng hao!! ur bao bei misses you n ehh where's my present!! =P

"TAY MENGHAO!! aka "Drug Addict!!!"
our rings n necklace..! hahas!! =)
*shall use your ang bao for it. HEEHEXX!!!! =D =DD

This aside.. Had a reunion dinner cum Kbox cum Birthday celebration by my friends from E35R!!
IT WAS A GREAT DAY WITH FUN-LOVING FRIENDS!!
THANK UU!! PEEPS! FOR PREPARING THE GIFT.. REALLY APPRECIATE IT =) =D
L.O.V.E THE PHOTOS THAT YOU GUYS HAD PREPARED AND THE MESSAGE BEHIND IT.. =D
Gang Dong TTM ='( Thanks alot!!!!!! T.T.M when i recieved a ang bao from them.. =D ='(

- memory that i can't forget, as if it has been engraved on my heart -

2010-02-03T23:52:00.005+08:00

Whoohoo!! U're so SWEET!! n NICE!!!
Thankz dear!! love u much much!!
Made me bread with strawberry jam, jammed in heart shape!!! =D

Really love u ttm!
Really cared, worried n love u..

2010-02-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

What happen to u?
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .........
Really hope that u're feeling better. =)
[p.l.e.a.s.e] get well soon.

"please..make him feel better,
"it hurts to see that he's in such a pain,
"when i can't help n don't kn why.

2010-02-02T19:18:00.001+08:00

1st Feb 2010!!!

The day which marks the start of everything!
That will hold great n unforgettable memories!
Which belongs to the both of us only.!! =) =D

2010-01-31T23:47:00.002+08:00

I really liked to be with you.
A secret.. before u realise, Im actually addicted to be with you.

Didn't know it would turn out to be something
I loved & enjoyed so much, -deeply fallen..

But didn't know at e same time
when I'm enjoying my addiction
I'm hurting you at e same time
How can I stop hurting you.. =(

YOU DIDN'T REALISE DON'T YOU..
YOU'RE ADDICTED JUS LIKE ME..
I DON'T WANNA BE A BURDEN TO YOU..
JUS WANNA ENJOY EVERY MINIUTE WITH YOU, -SHARING THE PAIN TGT..
FEELS REALLY BAD WHEN IT SEEMS THAT I'M THE REAOSN WE ALWAYS END UP SO POOR..

2010-01-23T12:50:00.006+08:00

Diee! No good. My motivation to work has dropped all the way to the bottom!
Things gets so boring at workplace, can no longer find the motivatin n drive
to work at there.. wish to quit now, no matter how much I'd worked, money still deplete drastically..
Thurs was supposed to work but last min saw my colleague on MSN
And asked him to replace me!! hahas! n yep! he replaced.

But didn't went home after I found replacement, hahas!! =)
Instead I went bowling with Menghao! hahas =) =D
Great bowling experience!! hehex! =P -Yday too!
Went out with Menghao! actually Ken was suppose to meet us but in the end..
Well went CSC to bowl with Menghao!
-Felt that I had improve in bowling =D hehex!!
And had our dinner at CCK =)

FINALLY,
Told him that actually I had wanted to tell him bout everything.
Everything that had happened before I sent him "no need to meet alr."
FINALLY,
We'd had chat, outings n fun after the bad.
Thanks for accompany me to ECP cycle. -when I'm in a a low state.-

2010-01-19T15:28:00.003+08:00

Sianz class today actually ends at 2.
But stayed in class till 4. -How nice how 'shiok'.
Guess that's e implications of not wanting, not willingly to go home; is the sianz-ness
Not knowing where else to go to, and who is travelling long distance and spot them!

Aghhh!:

more n more lost
more confused
more rackless
more deceiving

"itsgetting worst" = things i do to myself.
can't stop can't help it
it's getting deeper n deeper

doing it out of vengeance
doing it cause on the fact that i can't change reality
doing it cause wanna see how strong i'll get
doing it to challenge myself to the deepness
doing it cause circumstances just force me into it

not regretful on what i do

from the past to now:
it's a fact that i don't love myself, how do i even love someone i liked
it's a fact that the pain can't even be mentioned
it's a fact that i do not even cherish
it's a fact that none of it has ever stopped, it have been there since I started.
it's a fact that the more i want to stop, some part of me opposes, resulting in more
it's a fact thet it's getting worst, when im doing it even worst as if it really cause no pain

when the HOPE which i've hold on so dearly n close to me, vanished
when i keep hurting the ones
when im so selfish
it'll get even worst,

-cause it has already started.

2010-01-16T18:40:00.003+08:00

didnt wanna go bk so early yday. so msg-ed eileen! asked whether I can accompany her.
Cause she need to repair her laptop, and I really didnt want to go bk.
"Thanks eileen! at e same sorry bout it, cause you probably had reached home 2hrs +earlier,
if I hadn't accompanied you. =) thanks alot"

1 simple reason I didnt want go back.
I can't bring myself to face the people whom are closely linked to me.
Didn't know how I could better express myself to them; with a smile.
Firgured this out long time ago: when it happens, I can't bring myself to talk/ see them.
It gets so complicated.
I don't know what I want

kept running away from the reality, becoming more selfish more ignorant to them.
If i had wanted to leave i would have but something hold me back.
what isit.
I don't want to be so bad to turn away wanna stay by side and share the burden.
The past me would have (with all the might, e energy, the heart) to help.
But it's different this time I can't be e same old me, I'd tried.
I've changed,

Is it for the good/bad.. I don't know.
time will once again change my attitude.

im trying my very best not to hurt thrm,
movin all e pain on to myself, hopin to minimise the pain on you all.

2010-01-08T19:54:00.003+08:00

"simplicity"..
how i wished that my time and energy are being used up tp the max
*with & on my friends only*- simple enough? straight forward?
(guess that I'd know what cog p11 is about)

IM REALLY TIRED AND WORN OUT WHY IS IT ALWAYS REOCCUR??

2009-12-31T21:28:00.002+08:00

Just went through old posts I'd made this year
Realised that If JieFang! didn't help me start a blog
I wouldn't know that recording down the events
would make an impact..

It'd had stopped.
Things that we used to do
Actions that I do towards you
It has all Ended- so arubtly
In the end it still me who turn it this way
How much more selfish would I be
Treating 'you' like this
Not giving 'you' a proper reply
But forgive me..I really didn't meant it.
I din't gave it a clear thought
Because I'd felt that I betrayed 'you'
nobody knows how bad it felt and how confusing I was at that time
I wanted 'you' to know
But didn't know how you'll react
I didn't want 'you' to think that i'm fake
So i decided not to tell 'you' when we're nothing in status
that day was the last day
everything.. I ended it with 'you' N I ended it with those who came lying N interrupting my life
-I'm sorry

2009-12-31T20:58:00.002+08:00

whoohoo!!! There goes 2009 and here comes 2010 yeeppee! =D
What a great year cause I found a job and didn't know it'll last so long.
FUN memories! with those new friends I'd made this year!! =D
Hahas! but sadly,one of my most important revolutions for the year 2010
would be working super hard,earning as much =D hahas!

Got this sms from my colleagues,
"But after you quit we won't see each other le luh."
Was glad to see it, even though we kajiao each other damn lot =) hahas!! =P
My Pui TuTu buddy! =P

Last day of the month, last day of the year 09'.

-but the excruciating Fact dawn on me..
waking me up every moment when I'd escaped.

Last month of 2009!

2009-12-21T12:54:00.004+08:00

Two more weeks left, and there goes e year 2009 =)
X'mas coming and New year's just around the corner!
Whoohoo!!=)

Every time had a special feeling..
As though it has been a great year
when so much had happened.

Haiz will be working this X'mas Eve & X'mas day itself..
Need e money=)
10hrs=whole day work on X'mas
sianz~ in between only gt 1hr rest time=(
same for New Year Eve also..

Waitingfor Pay day! hahas!
Wish to spend money like never before!
Want to buy a new phone!! =)

What's the reason that I'm working so hard?
Had I make the right choice by letting you to leave..

IT Happened

2009-12-19T13:22:00.003+08:00

Laptop's.. Work.. Emotions..

so much stuffs I had to settle for just 1 laptop. Couldn't get any help.. help that are being offered were not sincere as well.. What am I going to do now, what more can I do to help myself..
It's what I started, wasn't responsible enough, was not capable enough to carry the 'weight' on my own.
"waiting for the worst to happen, it will..soon.. it has been unsettled for too long.."

[I'm lost, really am.]
[I'm tired, tired that it's bothering me every month]
[Helpless, when what I needed I can't get it]

was cashier for quite a few times but i still make mistakes, stupid mistakes..
either I overcharge customers by charging them weekend price
when it so OBVIOUS that it's a weekday.. =( how silly can it be..=( hahas....
Or I didn't enter properly causing the reciept to turn out to be over $$1000, over $$300++

why!
am I really so clumsy?! when can I make improvements!
Or was I not serious at work
Or was I not focus enough
Or was I just not cut out to work good

[Drowning, trying all my best to give my best performance but it ALWAYS FAIL..]
[Sad, when I start work with high spirit it ALWAYS have bad ending..]
[Stress, when I can't help my colleagues much cause of my silly mistakes..]
[Happy, cause my colleagues came An Wei Wo when she knew what happened.. -THANK U Jing YI! =) needed e encouragement =) thank u =D]

Frustrated, Irritated, Sad, Happy
Mixed emotions running all over in me
Don't know how Don't know what to do

I wanna be stronger
Mentally & Physically
Wanna prove what I can what I am capable of
NOT WHAT I CAN'T do

Holiday soon!

2009-12-10T22:00:00.006+08:00

Yes!! School holiday's just next week! =) Loveit!
This week is the 10th week of semester 2..guess what?
Another class ending soon. -Did I enjoyed myself with this class?
Just really wish to spend more time with this class..
At least let the memory for the last month of 2009 be a memorable one =)
P.L.E.A.S.E.. ..=)

The purpose of this post is to post afew pics with the few E35R's classmates =)

People walk into my life
And leave without a trace
What am I to do..?

Can't take it..

2009-12-02T16:58:00.004+08:00

Breaking promises I made to myself!
I'm tired..! knowing that I still need to work after school
Can't TAke It AnyMORE!
From now on, if there's no need of it,
I won't be making booking on weekdays.
I'm tired, sick & tired of working after school.!

s.e.r.i.o.u.s =(

People around me tell me to look at the earning part.
And tahan, take it for now..It'll be over soon.. =)
But seriously, I don't know why, there's some factors
which kept demoralising me.
I thought to myself:
*are there reasons for me to quit?
*can I quit this job?
(but if it were something I enjoyed, I would stay..)

"Walked" (get to take a ride from C111 Faci!) with my sem 1/sem2 freind & classmate; Eileen!
to mrt station. In the train she told me that work is like that.
But I must go & work, cause I need the money.
If I don't, I would have no money, but i really can't!!

(Thanks!! Eileen tan!!who suggested helping me safe-keep my money!) hahas! =)

"How long would it last, What if I really can't push myself further."
"I'ms.a.d! I'mc.o.n.f.u.s.e.d! I'md.y.i.n.g- If I can't figure these out!!"

BUT STILL I MUST hang on to it.! cause it's the only escape I'm given & entitled to!

Reasons for it

2009-11-29T00:43:00.003+08:00

When i know you're there,
It motivates me to do more.
But what's the reasons for being so,
When we just started to know each other.

The strength that makes me work hard,
dies off so quickly.
Without any warnings,
Leaving me stranded with no where else to seek.

-Agree to replace others just so that I can have more time with you.
-Asking you to tell ghost story after working time so that..

but when im wih 'you' i feel guilty..
as if i had done 'you' wrong'..
why..?

'Double Standard..'

2009-11-29T00:16:00.005+08:00

Realise that when Im with/ faced with different people..
I have a double standard attitude towards them..
Holding you close to me, isit selfish of me?

"The path infront seemed so dark..not knowing whether I'll be hurting you..
"Not realising that I 'm making life complicated for you..
"Hurt many others on the way, in finding the answer..

Things are what it is now
Because I'm too selfish to think for others

Given the chance to mend
But I had given it up..

Late post!

2009-11-26T16:10:00.002+08:00

Wanted to post an entry on Tues when i had finished my work.
But it was late & tiring so..
No manager! on tues when I worked, it was so relaxed, no pressure, no 'eyepower'
Hahas! =) LOVE IT!!

There were quite afew working, -usually wkdays only gt 3-4
But that day there were 5 of us (Teng Li! Siti! Safwan! HongTat! & Me!)
So much fun & jokes! HongTat was e runner then he actually got hold of a clipper.

And e fun started, we all played a prank on one another.
Clipping a clip on the back of e shirt.
And of course, since Hong Tat was e matermind..
I clipped a yellow clip on his back so that when he's doin runner, it's OBVIOUS to all!

Hahas! =) =)

Whoohoo! If all e weekdays I work will be so fun & enjoyable! haiz.. =) hahas

Long long time..!

2009-11-24T17:05:00.002+08:00

WoWW its been very long since the last post, the post which is very memorable..=)
Should be the work and some issuse which kept me occupied, explaining the No-posts for so long.

Just keep having the mind-set & feeling that Sem 2 of year 1 hasn't beeen good/ smooth.
Partial dn know how many times. Ponten dn know hw many days. Skipped too many RJs.
WHY?!! I want to do well, I don't want to get a 2.something GPA. I wanna get at least 3.0 and above. =(
How did it become this way..the attitude of mine towards study.. it didn't happened in e past..
But why now? Why present?

Looking at the problem no. the Sem's ending quite soon.. few more, just few more weeks..
People walk into the life of mine.. we shared many things, emotions, jokes..
Now, they're like leaving soon.. =( sad!

"i don't know why i had reacted the way i shouldn't have.
"Not sure of the feelings, is is dependent on you, or i had been moved?
"I wan to know. Don't wanna drag anymore. It's tiring & getting more compliceated"
My heart sadden when I se the problems that may arise.
But why do I even imagine it? When WE're nothing to each other?
Why do I feel so in touch with you when I'm with you.

What am I to you? - I wanna know.
How I feel for you - I wished that you'd know
What do we treat one another as -I wanna find out, I wanna let you know.

If decisions made, meant a lifetime..
What choice would I make.
What do I want, What do I want to protect What do I want to give(unconditionally)

Bye, Jessica Gonzaga!

2009-11-13T10:25:00.006+08:00

BYE! Jessica,auntie!! one off my colleagues from sakura left =( she finished her attachment at sakura and flew bk!
Guess that many will miss her, cause she's nice, good and fun to bully! hahas=) on wednesday 11/11/09
some had decided to go sentosa to enjoy, play, and bid her goodbye.
I agreed to go.. but in the end i didn't
If i weren't needed to be at home to settle stupid stuffs
i would probably say "goodbye" to her in person.

It's sad cause, even though the number of days I'd work at sakura were little
And some of the working days she didn't work.. but i guess that's what they call:
"it's the quality not the quantity that counts, it's the fun & joy, not the amount.."
And i didn't even get to pass her present that I made.
So i told her that I'll send it to her on her birthday.

Hahas! n she didn't kn i knew her birthdate, (she showed it to me cause she want to prove to me that she's not old) HAHAS! =) *so funny!
Msged her yday nite, and she was still in the mood to joke.! asked me to put the present in the bottle and let it float to her hahas!! =)
THE following messages are memories that I WILL NOT FORGET. =)

Me: " Faster go catch ur 66! hehex.. jus jkin=P, sad can't pass u present/ n bid goodbye.
Hahas =P hw i deliver to u ah auntie..? "
Jess: " U put controller,. auntie must sleep now old people need more rest,. haha jus jokin,. I will miss u auntie,. =P "
Me: " Hahas still can joke ah.. tmr leavin ready. Hahas!same, I'll miss auntie too!!! T_T..hahas.
Must keep in touch hor, through Facebook/msn/etc.. I'll still send la. =P "
Jess: " Hus leaving im opening 2mrw told u olready,. u ha! "
Me: " U leaving la.! Hahas, u opening wad tmr? 2-20isit? Hahas. serious la..btw take lots of care auntie.
I'll try my best install controller, it'll b there on ur bday.."
Jess: "I'm not leaving hu said? I'll slap,."
Me: " Hahas=P U're leaving tmr! Nobody say,u say one! Who u wanna slap, auntie.. still jkin!=P T_T..! hahas=)
Me: " Take lots of care,dn get bullied!! Rmb to use facebk frequently! Hahas! Goodbye, auntie!=)anything jus msg/ msn/ email/ Facebk! Byee.!
Jess: "Bye take cre ur back okie,."
Me: " Hahas, i'll take care of e back. Wait for my present! Take care okay,
Srry can't send u off, we'll miss u! I'll miss u auntie..! =P have a smooth flight=) byee.!

That's it.. but in the morning, she called! i will remember the converseation that we had, even though it's just 7mins long..(6.10-6.17am.)
On the phone i could feel that she's gonna cry, and there were silence here n there for a few seconds..
But i guess cause we didn't want to each other to feel sad, we joke on the 'aunties-names' & 'jungle/ present/ bottle/ back' etc..
But still the call has to be ended so stop for a sec n started e silence again with "take care, bye, auntie, take care." *lots of it!!*

Jess: "auntie! bye bye hor.. take care.. ... .. take care of ur back. bye.."
Me: "ya i will,i still young so nvm, u older than me, must take care hor! bye take care.."
Jess: "why u msg me early in the moring auntie.."
Me: "ohh cause i scared i missed e timing to send u msg.."
Jess: "... ... ..bye auntie..byee take care"
Me: " bye auntie.."
Jess: "u gt sch today ah..?"
Me: "ya lor gt..soon i'm gonna wake up frm slp..tat's why can't send u off at airport.."
Me: "ehh den hw huh..e present.? hw to send to u.."
Jess: "told u ready auntie, put in bottle and send, hahas!!"
Me: "hahas! u said one ah, i'll send it."
Jess: "ehh hw huh..i stay in jungle leh..hahas!"
Me: "ohh ya hor! i frgot u live in jungle, nvm den., i dn put in bottle i'll send it to the monkey, they'll send it to u haha!!!"
Jess: "haha! okok can! ehh no monkey, tarzan la!"
Me: "why tarzan?!..ohh ya ur husband right?!! okk i'll send to him hahas!"
Jess: "eh!! hahas! hw u kn?!! ya my husband la..!"
silence..~ aft e joke..
Jess: "ohh.. ...must take care auntie.. bye byee.."
Me: "ya i'll, u also must take care.. bye bye..take care.. ..."
Jess: "off la..!auntie
Me: "u off first, u call first one.. so u off first.."
Jess: "but u call.. *(den e crying started =( )* silence again..
Me: "dn cry auntie..nvm.. dn cry okay, u see only auntie like to cry.. nxt time u earn lots aready can still come Spore! okay..
"nvm.. it's okay.. ahh..u jus rmb to use facebook frequently can aready ok.. dn cry.."
Jess: "hmm..ok. auntie bye..take care.."
Me: " now u see who's older?.."
Jess: "me..i'm older.."

E.N.D.. tats all.. was it enough? i'm not sure, but i think i'll regret for life that i didn't get to say godd bye to her or give her a hug..
not even on the day i worked on sunday before i leave work i had a chance to say..had a chance to take photos..had 1 last chance to joke..
But i didn't, i don't kn why. but i kn it'll be a regret in my heart forever..
"Sakura'll miss u! We'll miss u! I'll miss u."

" I promise that I'll send present on ur bday, IT"LL BE THERE ON UR BDAY.=), Take care,.. auntie"

It's fate, it's a hard decision to make, there's no other choices..
Why isit that i had planned to bid goodbye, go out, have fun, eat, have the last moment enjoyed..
But in the end it turned out that i have to forgo. Let go of what i cherish, what i precious so much.. to settle the stupid hell issues.!

so many times, i had practically ignore these.. i wanna break free.
I wanna make my own chocies which i cherish the most.

Postings!

2009-11-06T20:02:00.002+08:00

Hmm very long didn't post here already, as usual, because I had been abit busy and lazy to do postings.
Really enjoyed the time I spent during working hours, it was fun,enjoyable and most importantly MEMORABLE! =) even if it's split shift,even it it meant tiring, even if there were some mistakes & unhappiness, but after "CLOSED!!!~" every events seemed so little, to the extend of no value.
Every single thing were washed away/wiped away when I heard "CLOSED!!" hahas!=)

And of course because of the laughter & jokes I had with my colleagues.. It made my day. My Life.
This week only work on tues & sun..sad=( thought I could spend more time with my colleagues (Jessica!) cause she'll be leaving soon on 13th/nov(Friday) and her official last day at work is on 10th/nov(Monday) but cause of the UTs no choice but only can work a few days..Sad!!~
but well life's like that,people come n go, luckily I had my motto of life "CHERISH"!!
i'm gonna cherish the time i had with my colleagues & friends,not to regret. =)

---

2009-10-28T16:04:00.003+08:00

Busy last few days cause had been working split shift, and didn't want spend time come blogging cause need to spend my time after work with my mother.. haiz~
I had been forcing myself.. Going for work later on. Replacing colleagues this saturday, and this weekend will be burnt away
for split shift at work. -happy working!- =)hahas
This week ending soon, week 4 of sem2, next week's UT1.. time flies. I noticed something were wrong, but i didn't know how i can amend it or offer a help.

when i'm writting this post, my heart filled of grief & sorrow.
I felt bad, lousy, failure on the choice I had made today.
More sad, more tears flowing in my heart when someone asked..
I wanna explain but, what help will it bring.
I wanna cry so hard, for once. cause I really can't take it.
I wanna vent out. but I don't know how.
I wanna cry my heart out, but who'll be by my side.

Now i know how bad it felt when you wanna cry, when your heart ache so badly,
When your mind can't focus, When help is unreachable, When you realise it'd become a habit,
When you can't stop, When you're not here with me.

\
"Tonight I've fallen & I can't get up.
I need your Loving hands to come & pick me up.
And eveynight I miss you
I can just look up.."

Love abit, Like alot

2009-10-22T18:04:00.003+08:00

When I was travelling back hm in the train I heard a guy telling another guy this "LOVE abit, but I LIKE her alot" instantly, I thought to
myself, what's the meaning when u love a person abit BUT u like him/her alot.. is there a difference?
I kept pondering on this ever since I heard this. Reason? because I'm really confuse. I wanna know what's Love & Like..

I always get these two messed up, n messed up the world of mine and the other person's.

My friend asked: "he still like you ah?"
I answered: "huh..I dn kn leh. hmm.. hai~"
The end of the conversation.
Before it actually end I wanted to say :"what if it's not him who still like me, It's me who is liking. what if the role switched?
ahh!! die die die!! I hate when I can't firgure these things out. Becuase I don't know how! every choice I make affect me so much.
I thought of many choices, but it all seemed to have much impact.
Is it because I can't let it go? I don't wanna let go?

so many things happened. so much interesting story writen in the book of my life. what should i do, what should i have done.
what must i do, what will happen if the choice that i make now, i'll regret the next day. regretting is one action that i fear! hate! to have.
cause I had regretted so much in past. -people, time, everything.

choice..what will you make, if it takes a lifetime. I made my choice(should be made, i guess.)..what's yours.
I wanna know.. .=(

broke!

2009-10-18T18:30:00.003+08:00

-LOL- spent my money away like no tomorrow! now 'broke'! hahas=)
No choice but to work & book more days this month till start of November. haiz, bo bian.. =(
Well but lucky it's not super tiring at work, if not I don't think I can survive the next day hahas=)

Thinking.. there are things in my life that are broke not just money issues.
Even I, myself isn't perfect -the things I do- what power do I posses/what am I?
To be able to make Things People Events better..

Worked on the weekends, didn't let myself enjoy. Had a sudden 'flash back' on the fun that I had
when I'm out, when I was on my travelling to my workplace. tomorrow working also..
It'll be 3day striaght since saturday.. hahas!=) hope tomorrow no much customers!! =) whoohoo!!

Late & went for Mcd's breakfast!

2009-10-15T19:05:00.002+08:00

Plan to meet MengHao this morning at CWP interchange at the usual place same timing (8am) but I was late and showed up at 8.15. Den decided that since it'll SURE BE
late.. we went to Mcdonald for breakfast.! hahas=) and of course, to "save" money I went to obuy e cheapest meal ($2.50sausage mcmuffin) + (Iced milo) whoohoo!! =)
When I was eating he said that yesterday after he 'pon' class, he went for a movie a korea one something gt to do with tsunami..
Den it has gt like couple den one of e party die in the tsunami -sad sad ending- "hmm not bad.. e 'story-telling' =)"

woohooo! My sis ggoing for her oversea holiday trip with her boyfriend. -nice! not bad, hope she'll have lots of FUN & Enjoyment. And hope that she'll learn to relax~
and not get so stress up with her life. =)

In the end, everyone has Interesting life story & experiences. So should never let it have an Negative effect on your life.
Now listening to -Hot & cold- =( =( =( why i'm so sad? cause it rake up the past.. which makes me miss the days of Orientation Prog. with ..
It was super fun, so much luaghter so much freedom! so much so that I felt that I wanna be 'free' again! this song hold bits & pieces of memories & cool feelings for me.
Because it was when, I felt that the 'metal chain which had around chained me for so many years, finally broke." but it came back.. hurting me the same amount of pain
-even more-

Tomorrow's a Friday!! this weekend working cause it's going to be a higher rate/ hr cause Public Holiday!!! !! ! I'm looking forward becuase it'll be another day which I
can prove 'what i've got & not what I can't"!! It's demoralising ABIT for me when e guys kept saying "can anot Joanne? balance? careful ah.." that's why soetimes I
feel so incapable, which pushes me so hard to do more than what I can give.

Missing~

3 things. help me.

2009-10-14T16:07:00.007+08:00

1st, yesterday went to work.
I once sweared that I won't be booking a weekday cause tired.. even though it's not everytime.
But once in awhile, after working a weekday went bk hm can't sleep, only till 2+am.
Cause have all the energy liao den can't fall asleep. Den the next morning hard to wake up. It's either this or don't feel like coming school. hahas!!=)
I didn't know what I wish will come true, I hold no hope. But I still wished.. It's really funny! Yesterday, I wished that there wouldn't be any customers at work, and hope that it'll end early. Surprising!! It came true sia! There was so few customers that my colleagues & I can actually take photos and joke at the cashier counter.!! HAHAS!! =) -I like, Love it!

My "dinner".. Dessert which consits of Chocolate mint & mocha chip. Oreo cheesecakes,etc.

Photos taken at counter..there'scustomers, but too few, and slack so went to join in e "photo-shoot"

2nd..my thoughts
After I realised that.. I had another wish. I wished that "the guardian angel will be by my side".
I've got so much doubt. I need a clearer view. But how.. I don't know why I'm feeling so bad, that I'm afraid 'guardian angel' will leave me.. n soon liao.

3rd..my pay!
Went to check my pay..The other when I went for work, I got the pay slip.. HAIZ~ =( =( =(
Very, Super little. Cause Start work late, den some days are being bring over to NEXT month sia! Thats why I booked a full day on sunday next week. Hope it'll be approve. Den when November came, I'll have enough $ to pay everything. And this morning, withdrawl some money.. den realise,I used up my pay!!

"where's the 'angel' that used to be with me." "It's selffish, for one to do this"
"I'm the selffish one, always."
"I wanna break free."

sianz

2009-10-11T23:36:00.003+08:00

Yesterday celebrated my mom's birthday.! It was great because it's been long time since she's out.
All was there to celebrate, except one. The 'outcast' isit us who makes her seem so,or was it herself?
sianz, everytime these kind of things happen and 'stunts' all around.. =( "stop happening..! can?"

Guess each time I thought to myself, the way to ignore and escape were the same old thing.
Has it become an exit for me?
It seems to be part of my life.
I didn't go any further, guess there'll be no turning point.
Can't stop, don''t think I'll stop, It's what that break me free.
Lucky I don't and amnot spending so much time anymore; since there's job, friends,outings.without e presence of pain/fear.

Ending it; "smile always, it'll cheer you up =) it's your choice=)" 11/10/09

scopes of Ice Cream!

2009-10-08T15:59:00.007+08:00

Ended yesterday work with ice cream! Not just that, its 5scopes! so fun =)i can choose and no manager! Shiok!~ =) Didn't wanted take any food cause didn't feel the appetite to eat.But when I heard my colleague -Alfife! was going to take I followed him as well and took the ice cream.
Hahas!=)

(Alfie! & Mike!)
Fun at work cause there were jokes around. Hahas!=)

(Alfie's! 10 types of flavour! N yep he enjoyed n said 'I felt so blissful'!! =P)

(Mine! hahas! I LOVE it!!!! =) woohoooo!!!woohhoo!! my favourite too
-mocha chip, cappocino, chocolate,strawberry & mango-

(Jessica's! lover of prawns sia!! whole plate prawns!)

Love it, Love the fun!

7/10

2009-10-07T15:44:00.003+08:00

3^rd day of semester 2 in E35R! hahas=) not a bad class after all. Went work yesterday and going again-.- later on sianz! Swear..i’ll not book for any weekdays anymore. Slept at 2am yesterday after work. And worst at work yesterday..I’m the only girl at work, sianz!!not fun! and I get to learn cashiering.

1hr more to go then leaving school for work. Hope tonight will end early and no 'stunt' later at work place.

Class not bad, but first day was very...! cause class too quiet no fun! no joke!! But yesterday and today the class was more open, not bad~

AHH..! Really feel Very bad, Super bad,Damn bad. A very bad feeling. The mind's thinking too much making me so confuse and guilty. I was I had made it clear to myself when i had doubts.

Scared of losing it, scared that I'll regret. REALLY REALLY AM..WHAT SHALL I DO? WHAT MUST I DO NOW.?

missed this yr's Lantern Festival!

2009-10-04T02:21:00.005+08:00

Came back from work and reached home round 4hrs ago. Haiz~ expected..to miss this yr's Lantern
Knew it as i had work today.. Weeks before I got the job I was awaiting this day to have lots of fun,
playing the candles! & 'traditional' lanterns- that do not uses batteries.
Cause every time playing candles 'burn' away all thoughts from my mind..cause I only concentrate
on the light that the candles gives off n think nothing else but the fun of playing.

Work today was awful!The pain from the hand made me perform very badly.
Had a thought- why notjust leave; saying that I'm not feeling, then I can enjoy the festive!
Hahas=) but second thought came round, and nope, I stayed and I force myself to do even more
tiring work, ignoring the pain on my hand.. hahas!=)

Working morning shift tomorrow! by right I should be sleeping now cause need to wake up at 7am to make 'breakfast for my sis before she goes to work. But can't sleep!! And fun thing is I need to wake up at 9 for my work..! n it's already 2.40am~!

Ending it, "Must&Going to work HARDER! to prove what I've got, and not what I can't.. .!" 04/10/10

Relaxation

2009-10-02T23:48:00.003+08:00

Woohooh! went swimming in the morning with my sis, thought of it, its been a very long time..
Long time since We siblings plan to go swimming. Supposed to be 4persons in the end..2only.
Hahas=) well but it was still fun n enjoyable n most importantly- relaxing! =)hahas!

There's work tmr! But tmr is Lantern Festival~ can't enjoy n play candles..
*love playing with it! even though it looks like a fun for the kids only. hahas=)!
Guess this year will be a special one when i don't enjoy this Festive cause of work..
Speaking of work, not sure what happen to my hand! Didn't get well loh..

Just don't want it to affect my performance at work..hahas!
Ohh and school starts on Monday! 5 10 09. Just checked my class n it's E35R..
Not sure who's in my class, didn't went to check/find out. But knew 2person from Grp5 is in
the same class.

Ending it, "felt the joy n fun even though its' too little to be felt." 02.10.09

.. .. .

2009-09-30T14:47:00.002+08:00

No..! Really hurt my hand.. dn kn will it gets better before this sat.. haiz~
Accompanied my sis to clinic, den went to have a hair cut & dyed my hair,
The following day accompanied her again to CWP n bought some things.
Have lunch with awful dishes. But was there to help her finish it off =) hahas!

Today's last day of September 09. Next week start school aready..Time really files!
hahas=) Next week Saturday is a special day. Am planning a surprise/a great outing.
Prepared to spend almost 70% of my 1st pay for this surprise. And the reason so is..
it's my Mother's birthday! hahas=) Just wanna make known to her that family is there for her,
so that she'll feel better. =D And take this chance to have a family gathering..

By right I'm not so in to the planning but sis started it so feel that it's part of my responsibiliy
to plan as well. But part of me has another motive; that is to take this chance, give it a shot..!
To carry out an 'experiment' to see n hope it'll work. -even if its negative effect.

"从前的回忆.. 会不会带你走出地狱..? 我知道你曾经活在黑暗里..
How I REALLY WISH I can be there for you to pull you out.

If there's ANGELS around us.. why do you still & continue to suffers..

"where's the ANGELS that are meant to be there for you

When you were badly treated. When no one was there for you."
I just hope that letting the old memories which makes you smile =)
will bring you out of your pain.

Ending it, "letting the old memories flow back..be it good/sad. will it help change the lives'.." 30/09/09

Colleagues!

2009-09-28T01:10:00.007+08:00

Went to work Yday&Today.. still didn't feel that working is tired as usual hahas=) Si-Ren! was late for work yday, should have been ealier de loh~ haiz.. *my $$!! hahas=) Today work was gd! feel that it finished early & managed to finish doing setting..
Dn kn hw but realised that i hurt my hand..must be trying to "act hero" den gt sprain~ guess so.

Pictures.. after changing.

Left to right: (me!, Jing Yi! Jessica!) *p.s supposed to make funny faces, 1 didnt do! hahas! =) =P

Hope i didn't get e names wrong =P will edit again! hahas=)
And gonna have more pics with the others~
After working these few days, I learnt that when 1 stand in a different position,
the authority/power changes.. N met people who's really fun-loving!
hahas=) whoohoo!

Ending it, "there's really Fun&Laughter, if u're willingly to give & prepared to receive." 27/09/09

Beside the working matter, learnt that an Important decision were made when i was away..
Thought 'the fog in the air' has blown far away for her.. but nope it didn't.
Isit that hard to let go.? If 'yes' were the answer, in the first place the Reason for picking it up was what?

Sometimes dreams aren't as Beautiful as it seem, it'll bring sufferings & misery..
That's the price, that's the scarifices. Known the facts, known the truth.
It's 'hillarious' for me to say 'I wish..~' cause it just don't come true.
Don't remember when was the last time I believed it n said 'Iwish things were just..'

Ending it, "Tried patiently, whole-heartedly -.. . " "gave up, I'M SUCH A LOSER!" 27/09/09

1st yr 1sem.!

2009-09-25T01:43:00.010+08:00

Ohhwhoo~just checked on LEO for the UT3 results.. only 1 was quite well-done..others just fairly.
But passed all! didn't fail a single UT, "hahas!!=) should i be happy?or sad."
Even though it's all passed
But my over grade for each module wasn't very good. Some got really low -D, D+..
Haiz~ =) gotta get a nice grade for next semester, at least once.
Need to show some nice grades for the one who 'Sponsor' my fees. -lol- hahas=)
Comm-B Maths-D+ Enterprise-C+ Science-C+ Cog-C

Ending it, "What should I do." 24/09/09

They're still in wonderland..

2009-09-24T15:19:00.006+08:00

By right everthing would have been settled n 'awaits' is just what needs to be done.
how 'cute' it was, to be planning so hard, deciding so much, with the thoughts
that '-yes it'll work out this way, these will bring the best result to everyone-"
But things REALLY don't turn out to be what we 'designed' it to be.
cause there bound to be some unexpected, n the people too..
why had things happened this way, without a turning point and light.

It's fate. To live..To face.. with the Fear which defeats me.
I'll still live the way I wanted, no matter what it takes.
I'll get back on..like I always do.. Before- Present- Future.

Ending it, "a story that never ends..dreams that'll never come true." 24/09/09

.. .. ..

2009-09-23T13:19:00.007+08:00

Yeepiii! woohHOoo!!~ no work till sat. Find that I CAN do better n more independently.
well at least I don't feel tired from work =)hahas! just that e shoulder n arm will.. hahas=)
'don't give EXCUSES to myself!' 'It's my responsibility..do it well.'
do i enjoy doing e job? cause i'm not 'rejecting' it in anyway. infact at times i looked forward for it.
or isit because I'm out for hours, needn't be at home!!? hahas=) woohoo~

Am I missing someone or am I just lying to myself. Don't even know what's on my mind.
really. I'm not sure. The feelings felt real but it could be just a delusion.

Ending it, "it's always happening, the same way, the same reasons." 23/09/09

1st time.

2009-09-21T00:34:00.007+08:00

woohhoo! done two days of work. Not sure if i had done it right & good. But i can say with confidence that i had done my best cause that's the truth. It may not be a Pretty job.
But it's still a nice one. "i hope so~"
1st time working, 1st time clearing/cleaning/setting/etc..
just wanna do much more better. Better than now, better than ever.
DO it Best! that's what i want..
Getting this 1st time experience is not the only thing,
Didn't expect I'd received a gift/present/encouragement from my 2nd sis..
-so surprise~-

1st time, she'd taken seriously.. "usually they just tend to forget
about the time, energy, effort, that i had put in for them. Without complaints.
all forgetten." Isit coming back..will it?

Not sure why but have the sudden urge..to wish that ".. "were by my side.
Again it's weird..Felt my heart sank when I know that it's over. =( sad!~

Ending it, "one'll be so easily demoralise n giveup.. when they do not get the response that they yearn so much.."
"is 'Liking'/'Loving'/'Caring'/'Scarificing', enough as the quality to love one? I wish to know.I have to know.I want to know." 21/09/09

Nice try..!

2009-09-18T17:34:00.004+08:00

woohoo! not bad i managed to change the skins of this blog..
Spent a long time on it..
hope it'sdone rightly and won't have any messed/cocked up

Felt so inferior, hopeless n useless.. didn't managed to save up for the laptop.
Did not want to ask from them, don't want to feel i owe them something because of what I can't.
what i hated most came, i had to use their money for it. "SAD!~"really, seriously.

This time its not a joke..I really am.. didn't know my mind/rationale/emotion would come to this extend. for the 1st time. Guess it'll go on forever. This will be how I'm gonna react to these situations again in THE future.

I made it, the way things happen-both physically & mentally- for them n myself.
Was 'Happiness' just not meant for me, and i had asked for too much.
Thought family were suppose to be there for me.. but why am I..
turning my back off them/keeping them off from me/..
No wonder I felt so helpless&hopeless when i needed some.
My fault, but it won't change for the better. Nothing gonna stay for the good.
I have only me, myself to blame.

Ending it, "It must have been my OWN fault that everything turned out this way. it must be." 18/09/09

2009-09-17T02:01:00.005+08:00

some photos of the bbq day..~

Last gathering perhaps.

2009-09-17T01:15:00.006+08:00

overview
ooowhoo!~ It was not a bad gathering afterall at the BbQ yday with i think only at most 17 turned up for it and around 10people stayed overnight at the Chalet. (but thats for the 1st night only~)
And like what i had guessed..hahas=) but well we did our best to entertain ourselves and others.

Interesting&Fun part was the 'before' part, when we went for a pool game. hahas!=) when I reached, Eugene and all had started the setting up the pit n all, appreciate what they had done. (most of the barbequing were done by Eugene, Rowena, Jolene, Ruben etc..)

During eating time!

Cats were gathering at our pits for food! when we just started to eat hahas! and it came by 1 follow by another
and another!!~ hahas!! =) =P and we found out that THEY( "cats" ), don't like curry food. lol~ HAHAs played
games like 'Murderer'.. not many played-Gary, Meili, Eugene, Jerome, Shaq, Azri & me.. many rounds and
losers' punishment was push-ups.. highest was 90! but don't think we did carry out the punishment after all.

After finishing cooking the Otahs..

we pack our stuffs cleaned up the place, and

Went to the Chalet, pushing a trolley full of bags n Othas n Bee hoon!! hahas nice~ =) very hard to push it on the road though!

Drink, Drank, Drunk..
with games Eungene taught us, to kill the boredom and.. IT was FUN! hahas especially the old game: 'Heart Attack'!
all got very exicited hahas!! =D =P some of us palying had faces turned red even necks also.
*not because of the excitement of the game though..hahas hehex!~

Didn't stay throughout the chalet, just the 1st day, 1st night. Didn't catch any much sleep as well though its just 1night.. Slept for 3hrs.(including now as i'm blogging..gonna be 2 days of sleepless nights) whhoohooo!!! not bad nice..
This time was the 1st time that maybe drank abit over my own limit or maybe i shouldn't have ate another supper..things were fine but hrs ltr~haiz!!

Ending with, "when one indulge himself in something..the addiction comes." 2am 16/09

some fun..

2009-09-15T11:36:00.003+08:00

woohhoo~ going to meet Meili! & Ruben! for a game of pool before we go for the bbq/chalet =)
Just hope that there'll be lots of fun and enjoyment later on hahas=) =P
Can't wait to meet them ltr on, for pool!! long time no see =Phahas
Not sure whether they'll be many ppl at the bbq not.. not sure who's going also hahas!
well, shall see how things turn out =)

An undeniable fact kills all reasoning u had. And e lively spirit of urs, was since then defeated n demoralised.. " just have a little faith.'

Dates

2009-09-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

10/09/09
If you're losing apart, can't stand strong and stay firm..just have a little faith. or
at the very least,
believe & lay back on what you once hold it so close to your heart; so dearly..

would it be forever.. that things stayed in this form?
what does it takes to Forgive, Forgo n Forget?
I need to know. but She needs to learn.

11/09/09
whhoohoo!!!~ =) woohoo!!!! =) "i'm hired" hahas!=) so happy about it.!
now I can spend on the things I want, I need and Treats!
finally the payback time. officially hook off from 'them. Really am sad to say: 'when will you please get a job?'

Ending it, "things gonna change, n makes a different. Awaiting for it..to be written in the next chapter.. .=)" 12/09/09

What isit?

2009-09-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

'see' traits of you even when I'm not thinking of you.
don't understand.
"hope it'll not last.."

Wants a Lomography camera! hahas =) =D hope to get one soon~
"don't think, just shoot." Lomo's motto.

Ending it with, "how good would it be if Life can do that. simplicity." 07/09/09

False

2009-09-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

Went for a job interview the other day, didn't turn out good.
Not sure whether it's the interviewer's problem or mine, questions asked were like so.. and one of the first few things asked i remembered till now is "before we go on..do you know that your hair is not accepted for this job?" (colour too bright) -.-lol hahas sianz~
Say & Talk so much, In the End.. also never hire me! =( hahas.

Money's gone away bit by bit.. why!? 'he'd got the cheek & courage to still ask money from me, when it's for his own pleasure.' And i'm a FOOL again to really lend him and not REJECT him.

Wanted to go cycling (=D), but turned it down (=( ). *hate myself* everytime i turn down one outing, cause I shouldn't have. But can't bear to see that everyone's out to enjoy
except 'her'.. even though I know 'she' don't wish that I'm the one spending time with her.
Face it ba..the ones that willing to scacrifice time/heart/money/etc. NONE.
But it's tiring 'she' know? to be so kind,nice,patience with 'her' but always it's rejected or ignored.

Ending it with, "would there be one; who'll kiss my pain away & save mysoul." 05/09/09

so long

2009-08-29T13:43:00.000+08:00

Yoz yoz!! Now then I realised, so long didn’t blog. And yep lots of ‘events’ happened in between, for example, I’m officially on a holiday now (whhoohoo!!) nice!=) And few days ago finished my UT3, and the class ended. No more E35A.

Well, on the last day of UT3, while I was on the train travelling back home, received a call from MengHao “xiao di”, I was asked to join him and his friend for lunch and ‘shop’ with them for their BBQ thingy. And yep my direct, straightforward reply was “huh..you go ba.. where you’re having lunch?.. I don’t think I have enough” (usual reply. Using ‘broke’ as an excuse to turn down.)
And of course his reply was “never mind! I treat, I got, just come.” ..But in the end still I didn’t meet up with him cause I told him I was reaching my station, and last words were “next time must come with us!”

Well, as I’m blogging now my mind’s actually full of thoughts on part-time jobs and all. Can’t describe how much one needed a job so badly, can’t figure out why is that a person can actually stay jobless for almost a year! but still enjoying his life without sparring a thought for others.

Started the job search few days ago, and called a few, either they have filled up the vacancies, or they just wanted fit males for the jobs or they wanted those with experiences. But still trying my best, and my luck hopefully to find one, just any..as long as it fits me and they want I’m fine with the pay rate and working hours.

*best=) if it were to end late hahas!! And I can spend the money happily and freely!! Whoohoo!!=) =D I’ll definitely spend most on food and entertainment!! Whoohoo!! ($$$,!wait for me)hahas!=)

only have 1 goal NOW, others.. wait for next semester or next year(most probably)ba. Now, (me) can’t even handle the emotions, SR(si ren) financial issues.

How am I able to put in my effort, concentrations, hardwork and time on another matter. *I won’t go back on my words, because that’s another way I can ‘officially’ stay out, and for long hours(I can’t cause I already made myself available for it, even if it were to be next year 2010.) *just hope I can settle everything first. I know I can.

Now I know how I’m going to pay back my gratitude to you and to ease your hatred.

Ending it with, “Time is all I need for now. =) For the next following months, wanna Earn as much, Save as much, for myself and them.” 29/08/09

2nd last

2009-08-17T19:14:00.000+08:00

Hahas! Last day of Maths module! =) still, didn’t manage to understand the problem so well, but I did at the end of the day manage to understand!! Hahas nice XD *because agreed to meet Meng Hao and his friends to Library study. After we met, we went causeway 的 library, then I was asked whether I understand today’s maths -.- sianz~!! (Of course I don’t know la!) Bo bian, then I say I don’t know...Then (di-di, ah boy, Nan ren.. Etc) taught me everything about today’s problem; hahas! Not bad after. Didn’t know he really understand Maths.

"untold stories.."

Tomorrow… Last day of Cognitive, Last day of problem 15^th, Last day our class gather as one for lesson* (UTs doesn’t count..) Last day for our class to have another class picture* (outings doesn’t count..) sad sia! Gonna split class but the class not so bonded的. Hahas =P

Well, spent the time after school in library study, writing this blog, running through some serious thoughts, listening to “Hot & Cold” when writing this paragraph. How I wish I can use my classmates’ ‘slogan’, “STOP it AH” to him now..! (keep peeking into my laptop’s screen wanting to see what I’m typing) But lucky! I lie to him that I’m doing RJ, hahas!! Hahas =P =) hehex!! XP (and he actually believe.) but still hard to finish this entry sia!!

Cause he’s peeking almost every 5mins loh~ hahas! =)

*slogan is her copy right的.. hope she doesn’t see it* hahas! =) XP *Hope he doesn’t realise I’m writing bout him too, now.* *Thanks, for teaching me, appreciate it* *Hope tomorrow E35A! will enjoy the last gathering!*

Ending it with, “The thing that makes things/ people/ feelings, so complicated is ‘yourself’. Stop contradicting, Stop thinking so much, Stop making people/ feelings, so complicated.”

“don’t care whether people are true/ fake to you, cause can’t change the fact. But please just enjoy the jokes, laughter, fun, sorrow you once shared. That should be a moment when you open up ypur hearts to him/ her/ them.” 17/08/09

Last science (sem1) E35A

2009-08-14T23:27:00.000+08:00

whoohoo! Can't believe today's the last day for science =) hahas! =) nice day also!!

well a not-so nice day at the same time cause didn't understand what the problem was about actually, especially when we need to 'tackle" the challenge =( sad sia since past few weeks of the problem I already can't seem to understand, concentrate and put in effort hahas =P

Before the class ended, POTATO! suggest taking a class picture XD nice one! cause finally the class had come together. E35A!

Took pictures with MeiLi!:

Hahas =) that's all for now!
2more 15th lesson with E35A! hahas=)

Ending it with, "Even though it’s ending, there’ll be people who wouldn’t be connected anymore, still..want to enjoy the very last bit, hahas =)” 14/08/09

YEEPEE!

2009-08-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

REALISATIONs/ FEELINGs/ COMPLICATIONs/ on just a few pathetic days in the..:

(It’s actually obvious to you..) (Felt the FEAR, - over & over again.)why?!

(Is there something in LIFE which doesn’t change?!)

The answer to this was actually this: “ever changing” is the event/thing in life which never changes.”

What a sad discovery & realisation to the above answer, I was hoping to see/hear a more optimistic view. I thought people (including myself) was always hoping that maybe The Love, The Passion, The Truth, The Good, The Time, and The Relationships of All etc. doesn’t change.

But in turns out that all these Hopes are actually the ones that are so vulnerable that they WILL DEFINITELY change. And the one that doesn’t change at all is what we had not expected & realised; “CHANGES”.

(FEEL hurt? But I don’t feel it, all I felt; is numbness.)

(Still feel Happier =) when I am out) (Trust me please. I didn’t purposely want it this way.)

(Felt so sorry, so confuse, so complicated and feeling so indebted.)

(“Please do not question me back, just think back, feel & realise the answer yourself.) (If you want to reprimand me, so be it, all I can say now is:

“I’m sorry, go ahead and hate me, curse me. Get all your things back from me, I didn’t mean to leave but there’s the only choice I see now.”

“Future, it may change, but now that’s what I can only think of and do. For now, I’m not brave enough, not dare enough, not capable enough; to continue living this way. If this change of mine to you were a great impact, then you felt it. By then if you want to escape from the real world, please don’t, please live on, and don’t give up.”

“If there’s no way out for you, just put the blame on me. Don’t see yourself as a burden or as the source of the faults, cause it’s not."

*If you’re able to do so, you’re getting it back from me, you'd have done it great, you got your revenge on me.” *Don’t be sad, cause when I leave I won’t be. Don’t waste your effort on me, I’m not worth for it*

Ending it with, “indeed, TIME proves. Now; I’m letting it go, I gave up, leaving you. To live the life of mine =) =P =D XD” 14/08/09

2009-08-10T15:47:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to my Lao Da!
*IF I WEREN'T SO SELFISH TO NEGLECT ALL OF YOU, I THINK THE FUN OF YOUR BIRTHDAY WOULD BE MORE, FOR EVERYONE*

"Happy Birthday bro!! nice birth-date u've gt, same as Singapore's birthday.! sia so nice! well was hoping that everyone could celebrate with you but turn out..haiz.. NVM, next yr will be better de =) "
"Hope you still enjoy the dinner and the cake specially for you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY *one year older hahas!! (evil smiles =D)*

Ending with "changing my attitude.. wouldn't gurantee whether it'll work, I'll try =) REALLY." 10/08/09

TIRED.

2009-08-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

‘why why why why why?!’ Cause I can’t figure it out why I can’t just try to be the one who take the initiative, and make the situation a better one. Thinking that would I feel much better if I were to look at things & people from a different point (especially family)?

Can’t continue, things are getting worse.. but at the same time I can’t stop.

Is it because:

I know I wouldn’t be able to convince myself over it (cause I really do not want to be in good terms with them)? I can’t take the pressure and stress (cause I’m not strong enough to every time take the blow)? I don’t even treat/see them as my family (cause I don’t think I like/love them)? I take things for granted? (Things could really been worst for me, but I’m already very fortunate?) I don’t feel the urgencies now that I need to spend more time with them now? I do not even care about them?

There’s just so much of question in my head, for me to find an answer. One thing I’m clear of; I did tried my best before, with all my heart, but it didn’t stayed long, it fade away every minutes, every second, every day.

Every time I try, it fails. I guess that’s the reason and answer..

*that’s why I loved spending all my time on my friends, when I’m out, spending the energy & fun with just my friends; and not them.. the time when I’m myself, I’m free, I’m happy =)

Ending it with “tired of failing, tired when in the end it all goes down to the drain, tired.. hate myself” 7/8/09

Finally =)

2009-08-06T16:12:00.000+08:00

wwhohoo!! Paid the 1^st instalment of my “precious” laptop! Don’t cherish it but can’t call it stupid as well cause using my hard “gained” & saved money to pay for it =P

Really hope & wish that I cherished things, people and myself..better than before, hahas =P

Hahas! Can’t wait for the day when I can pay finish the laptop =) don’t want to be tied on to it cause this burden can’t light! Hahas=) believe I’m using my OWN money to pay.. well that’s all I guess =)

Btw met my sis after school cause didn't want to be at home.. ate Long John Silver & took pics:

Learnt 1 thing when I was out with her; "things could have been worse than now”

Hmm if it’s really like that then I should have been happier and just live the life I want it to be, "CHEER UP! =P"

Ending it with “why does it test me; mentally & torturing me physically..” 6/8/09